MATCH WEEK 15 - FANDANGO FALTER
Well it's not often we see a headline like that so I just have to start with it. By their own outrageous standards, 36 points is a disastrous week for our overall League leaders Clem Fandango, providing hopes and dreams for the rest of us to ponder over the six-week break. It could have been an awful lot worse for Matt Woodmansey though - without captain Liam Cooper (22), Issa Diop (11) and Idrissa Gueye (10), Fandango's other eight Nightmares totaled -7 points. (Un)-inspired by Ivan Toney.
Matt's close eye on the fixtures saw him bring in Toney alongside Brentford teammate Frank Onyeka. The Bees' main man's two goals against the champions, with a 9/10 rating, saw him score -7 points. Onyeka picked up 2. Meanwhile Danny Ward and Adam Smith were also in the negatives with -3 each. The other five Fandangos scored six points between them.

I thought Clem's slip-up was going to see the gap at the top of the table slip under the century, until I watched Diop deflect Bruno Fernandes' cross into the path of Christian Eriksen for Man United's first goal and begrudgingly had to award the Fulham defender a Nightmare Assist. However, Matt's 101 point lead is 53 less than it was at its peak... The Halibut Flounderers gained 19 on The Clems, but will be a little disappointed as they could have cut the deficit by 35 had they chosen Pickford (15) in goal ahead of Jose Sa (7) and had Jarrod Bowen (6) higher up the subs list than James Maddison (-2).

3rd place Slippery Slimy Pineapple, meanwhile, scored 8 more than Founderers and so make ground on both the top two. Eloise Willingham could only have scored 1 more point with the squad at hand, but will regret putting her mortgage on Brentford - bringing in three defenders that scored 12 points between them including one as Captain. The sales of Forest boys Aurier (-3) and McKenna (0) were inspired, but the other boy deposed was Southampton's Duje Caleta-Car who went and bagged himself 13 points. Should have kept him and had faith in last season's top Nightmare Ilan Meslier and thrown him the armband... the Leeds 'keeper scored 17. With zero transfers and Meslier as captain, Pineapple's weekly score of 63 would have been 80.
TASTY WEEK FOR BISCUITS
Fifteen weeks in and we have our 12th different name on the Team-of-the-Week award. Still only three teams have topped the weekly list more than once (our overall top three). Sergio Biscuits are this week's top scorers, and if you're going to get the best score in a week this is the way to do it. Biscuits' 110 point total is a huge 31 points more than the second best - without any Jokers needed - and well over double the week's average (47). Wilfried Zaha came good for Oliver Willingham's boys with 20 points. Some forwards are dangerous to own but maybe worth just accepting they are going to hurt you with minus points some weeks, but come good overall. Despite his obvious quality, Zaha has always done well over the course of a season - last season he finished with 145 points, this time round he's on 62 with 37% of Palace's games played, so is on course for 167. Captain Mohamed Salisu (11) was a good choice for Captain, while Biscuits were fortunate to have Emmanuel Dennis and Scott McKenna NOT play for Forest - they were replaced in Oliver's 11 by Cheick Doucoure (6) and Jeffrey Schlupp (14). Biscuits could only have done 3 points better than they did - by playing yet another Palace midfielder, Eze (6) instead of Rico Henry (3). In a perfect finish to 'Part One' of this season, Biscuits climb five to 10th overall and, significantly, climb two places to top spot in Nightmare League One.
CELEBRATIONS AT THE BREWERY
Blackheart Brewery are second top for the week with 79. A surprise but inspired Captain choice, with another man that missed a penalty - Youri Tielemans - earning 24 for Brewery. Next best points scorer for Garry Simpson's boys was another fortunate sub in Demarai Gray (10), but Garry's lack of faith in Everton meant he missed out on 11 points for Conor Coady and 10 for Alex Iwobi. Brewery could have scored 99.
INJURIES, SUSPENSIONS AND THE LIKE...
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TOP TEAMS - this week
TeamManagerPoints
Sergio biscuits Oliver Willingham110
Blackheart Brewery FC Garry Simpson79
The MuppetsRichard Hancy73
Hextable HackersJohn-Paul Meredith71
Nightmare NovicesColette Anthony70
   
TOP NIGHTMARES - this week
PlayerTeamPoints
Wilfried ZahaCRYSTAL P.20
Illan MeslierLEEDS17
Tyler AdamsLEEDS15
Jordan PickfordEVERTON15
Stuart ArmstrongS'HAMPTON14
Jeffrey SchluppCRYSTAL P.14
   
LEAGUE TABLES
DivisionLeadersManagerPointsThis
Nightmare Premier LeagueThe Halibut flounderersDavid Metzger103155
Nightmare ChampionshipClem FandangoMatt Woodmansey113236
Nightmare League OneSergio biscuits Oliver Willingham915110
Nightmare League Two‘Cos I’m Feline GoodFrodo Willingham88065
TOP NIGHTMARES
PlayerTeamPointsThis
Chris MephamBOURNEMOUTH112
Jefferson LermaBOURNEMOUTH1100
Mohammed SalisuS'HAMPTON10711
Demarai GrayEVERTON10210
Scott McKennaNOTT'M FOREST101
Brennan JohnsonNOTT'M FOREST1013
Robin KochLEEDS999
Adam SmithBOURNEMOUTH93-3
Daniel PodenceWOLVES928
Jarrod BowenWEST HAM916
   
WORST NIGHTMARES
PlayerTeamPointsThis
Erling HaalandMAN CITY-3110
Reiss NelsonARSENAL-61
Kieran TrippierNEWCASTLE-1-2
Asmir BegovicEVERTON-1
TOP NIGHTMARES - BY RATING
PlayerTeamAve. rating
Luka MilivojevicCRYSTAL P.5.25
Diego CostaWOLVES5.33
Abdoulaye DoucoureEVERTON5.33
Curtis JonesLIVERPOOL5.33
Nelson SemedoWOLVES5.33
Luke ThomasLEICESTER5.33
Jaidon AnthonyBOURNEMOUTH5.40
Pierre-Emerick AubameyangCHELSEA5.40
Kostas TsimikasLIVERPOOL5.40
Kristoffer AjerBRENTFORD5.50
Jan BednarekASTON V.5.50
Wilfred NdidiLEICESTER5.50
Emerson RoyalTOTTENHAM5.50
   
WORST NIGHTMARES - BY RATING
PlayerTeamAve. rating
Kevin De BruyneMAN CITY7.85
Erling HaalandMAN CITY7.62
Allan Saint-MaximinNEWCASTLE7.50
Gabriel JesusARSENAL7.36
Gabriel MartinelliARSENAL7.36
Kaoru MitomaBRIGHTON7.33
Bukayo SakaARSENAL7.29
Luis DiazLIVERPOOL7.25
Bruno GuimaraesNEWCASTLE7.25
Aleksandar MitrovicFULHAM7.25

Players must have played 23 minutes or more in at least three matches to appear in the Player Ratings charts.
LEAGUE FORMAT + EUROPE
We are starting the season with four divisions - each with nine teams. It's three-up-three-down, with the top four in each division qualifying for next season's Champions' League... everyone else goes in the Eur'opeless League.

This season's Champions' League will include Nightmare Teams that finished in the top six of our three Divisions last season. With two of these having resigned, that leaves us with 16 teams that will be randomly allocated to four groups of four.

Our other 20 Teams will enter this season's Eur'opeless League. I don't intend to start the European competitions very early in the season (maybe after the World Cup break), and any new Teams that join us between now and then will also be in the Eur'opeless League.
LAST SEASON
Click here to check out last season's site with all the final League Tables